Well, I'd be lying if I didn't say I was nervous about this time of the year. This is always the time of the year where I gain typically anywhere from 5-15lbs. This is where I'd gain the weight for the year, every year and get heavier every year because of it.
Halloween, no candy = success!
Thanksgiving - I did not cook, therefore ate out instead = success!
***going home for Christmas, I have an incredible family support system, I already know = success!
I weighed in this morning showing a total of 68lbs of loss! Super excited and so truly thankful again that I chose to tackle this issue the way I did. I always said to myself that I could lose the weight, the where/how/when was always the question. Once again, the reason this works for me, I cannot physically eat more. For me that is a true blessing. For others, they may be mortified that they have to give up their enjoyment of eating and not find enjoyment in eating anymore. For me, it was enjoy food - live shorter, or find a way not to make food my enjoyment and live longer! I chose the latter. I love life and living. I, if possible my god's good will, want to live a long and healthy life. I realize that things happen and that perhaps someday something could happen to me that has nothing to do with my weight, but circumstances. But if I can be the change in my life for better for now, that is more important.
Living each day, to the fullest. That is what my goal is. I work hard, play hard, and love hard. I want my life to mean something to myself - because once I'm gone and those around me pass into the next life, no one else will remember. I want to look back at my life and say to myself, "I tried everything and did all that I could do to live a good life."
Thus far, I have not been disappointed. I have done so many extraordinary things to date, that I have lived more than I ever dreamed possible. I have had an amazing childhood, great travels, many wonderful people I've met along the way, and lived in many different places. I have been truly blessed with the tools of adjusting to life as it comes. I've had my share of ups and downs, just like anyone else, but one constant that I try to do is push through everything, no matter what. There have been tough times in recent years, but it has only made me stronger. I believe things happen for a reason and learning for that reason alone is what we need to do. It may not be clear right away, but as time presents itself - the answer will be revealed. I write this blog, not to impress people, I write this blog simply to document all that I am going through in this journey.
Of all my challenges in life, which I've had many and those closest to me understand me and those challenges, the challenge of my weight is one of the biggest ones I've encountered. I've struggled for so many years, as early as I can remember, as the one constant I could never ultimately overcome. I was an average child and teenager. Looking back now, I did not really have a noticeable weight issue until my early 20s. However, I've always felt fat. I could always lose 20lbs, 10lbs, 50lbs, or more. The dressing rooms in countless stores, I would also curse at the mirror. The clothes that didn't fit the way I wanted them too, or the things I wanted to wear, but could not. Always trying to look my best has not always been easy for me. Sometimes it was just easier not to care. But as I find myself now approaching 40 this next year and being in a good place with myself mentally, I realize that I quite like myself after all! Once I reach my first milestone of weight loss, I am going to be easier on myself and give myself a pat on the back for a job well done. Once I get the final milestone of my ultimate weight loss goal, I will try my very best to maintain the loss, however, will not obsess about it. My final gift to myself, be happy and don't let it be my life. I will hopefully have learned all the new valuable ways to eat properly by this point and have daily exercise ingrained into my life that keeping the weight off will be fine. I will never go back to where I started at, I remind myself daily how awful that felt both mentally and physically. I do not know who that person was, I think I simply gave up. I had no hope, was so enraged by that number on the scale I went into a state of denial. The mirror and clothes though gave me a reality check.
It can be done. Changing your life in whatever circumstance you need. Just find the tools you need to help resolve your problem. For me, pretending there wasn't one was my issue. When I got the call about my dad's health this past year, it woke me up. All that he is going through, is all that would await me if I continued down the path I had gone. I realized then, as I do now that you are never too young and have so much time to figure things out. I have lost friends in the past few years, who were not considered old and died for various reasons that perhaps death could have been avoided if they had taken better care of themselves. I've almost lost my husband twice, both times in his 30s. We are not immortal. We are human beings and we have to take care of this one body we are given.
I apologize for this long ranting for today's post. But, I felt it necessary to continue to reflect upon how I arrived at this point. Each day I find myself shaking my head, or nodding my head at some realization of what this weight loss has meant to me. I know once I conquer this, I truly can do anything I put my mind too.
Here are some wonderful quotes that I find really inspirational:
Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.
Norman Vincent Peale
Always continue the climb. It is possible for you to do whatever you choose, if you first get to know who you are and are willing to work with a power that is greater than ourselves to do it.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox
The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.
Confucius
If you can dream it, you can do it.
Walt Disney
Until next time...
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