Holding Steady at 62lbs, and that's ok!

I have been losing a tad too quickly in this last round (I believe about 12lbs in less than three weeks).  At this point, I need to stop and take a breath and absorb where I am at.  My clothes are still not able to keep up with me, and now I am really starting to notice the hair loss aspect of this journey.  They say from 3-6 months hair loss is normal.  At first my attitude was, "I could stand to lose a bit of hair anyway, so no biggie".  Well, going through it is another thing altogether!  I can't get over how much hair is coming out everyday.  Back in my hairdressing days I frequently preached that it was normal to lose 80-100 hairs per day.  But I know what I am losing now is far more than that!  I know my body is still trying to adjust with the whole 500 calories per day and all the movement I now do since I am not carrying around that extra 62lbs anymore.  I did buy some Nioxin hair products as suggested by a friend, but it doesn't seem to be slowing it down any.

I am trying not to be too vain, but my hair was always my "crowning glory" - no pun intended:)  I am blessed to have a full thick head of hair like my father and I would like to carry on that tradition.  Well, perhaps it won't be as bad as I think it will be and once my body starts to settle down again after the six months period, I'll be able to get some back.

This is a challenge, I know I've said it before but I'll say it again.  The last few days I haven't been taking all my vitamins and my liquids are not as plentiful.  I think I just get tired of constantly having to think about getting it all in.

This is going to be a short entry, but I felt it important to document that frustration with the hair loss.  I honestly thought I didn't have to worry about it.  But, hence, I am.

Also, for the record, it is October 31st - Halloween and I have not had ANY candy this year!  That in itself is a friggen miracle!  I do allow myself a sliver of a bday cake at work.  It was a poppyseed, maple nutty topping cake.  It was delightful, and I am glad that I was able to partake in the celebration, but in a very minor way.  You can't always say "No".

Here's my quote this week: 
"Insist on yourself.  Never imitate."  
        Ralph Waldo Emerson

59lbs and the rewards are plentiful already!

Today, I crossed my legs for the first time in years!  Yesterday, I cleaned the house and unloaded the dishwasher and continue to house clean for hours...prior to the surgery my back and knees wouldn't allow me to stand for more than a few minutes at a time.  Stairs, oh I used to hate stairs.  My husband would have to carry the laundry baskets up and down for me.  My balance and mobility to go up and down were greatly diminished as the weight went higher.  It was embarassing, it was humiliating, now my knees and my back don't ever hurt anymore.  I went shopping this past weekend, sat in a dressing room cheering at myself in the mirror as my size 26 body is now down to a size 20.  YAY ME!  I even did a spin class with one of my co-workers the other day and did not stop for more than a few seconds, twice.  Now of course I wasn't "spinning" as hard as they other people in the room, but I could do it!  A few months ago, there would have been no way that I could have done that class.  Celebrating all these milestones these past few weeks has been so motivating.  I am over the moon happy with my progress and know it's just the beginning!

That is why I am sharing my story as I go.  There will be some tough times, as I don't see the scale move, or that eating is no longer a comfort to me like it used to be.  Then, there will be some great times as this last week has been day after day!

I am four days away from my three months since surgery and I am down a total of 59lbs!  I had set a goal by the time I went home for Christmas - the first Christmas I've been home in over five years, that I would be down 70-75lbs by then.  It looks like I'm on track to be close to that, if not in par with that goal.  It's true, can I eat better? Can I exercise more?  Sure, but the fact that I've already made the changes that I have is already proof enough that I am on the right track.

One word of advice for those out there watching their loved ones go through this process.  Don't offer advice or you need to do this while we go through this process.  We know!  We are living it everyday.  We know you care and want the best for us, but remember we are humans that have endured a lot to get to this point.  We are literally taking baby steps to absorb what has happened to our bodies.  We cannot possibly eat like we used to anyway, so for now that is not going to be a problem.  Exercise, sure, but make it all about having fun to where it's not like exercise.  I shopped for four hours the other day, that was way more fun then walking on a treadmill or riding the stationary bike.  I get up all the time now.  I go for walks on my lunch break, I get up from my desk more frequently.  It's work in progress.  But I do move more than I did before.  I imagine as I get thinner I will be able to wear nicer work-out clothes where I'll start to feel more comfortable in a gym setting, I'm just not quite there yet.

We will get there, be patient.  We aren't doing anything wrong, we are doing what we are suppose to do.  The weight is coming off, lives are being changed.  Life is pretty overwhelming right now.  Don't add to it.  Words of encouragement and love are all that we need.  All the other stuff is what drove the scale up in the first place.  We need to feel good about us and where we are going.  So...focus on the positive now, not the negatives.  We are done with the negatives, that why we got the surgery in the first place.

And for those people out there who think we took the easy way out, go, do it and see if it is.  It's not!  It's hard, eating has changed forever for me.  I can't "enjoy" it like I used to.  It hurts sometimes to eat, sometimes I have to throw up.  Sometimes it feels like someone is punching me repeatedly in the chest when things don't quite agree.  Liquids, I'm lucky if I get down 40oz a day, that's a good day.  I can't eat/drink at the same time nor would I want to now because I'd get sick.  I spent a lot of money to get this done, I certainly don't want to waste that investment.

Overall, I thank god everyday for showing me the way to do this surgery.  I wished I had done it sooner!  Every morning is like Christmas when I wake up and decide what to wear that day.  Seeing my transformation in the mirror, hearing it from others who look back twice as they past me in the hallway.  That is why I do it.  I feel good again.  I feel like I should for a 39 year old woman.

Leaving you with this quote, another favorite of mine:

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. 
Eleanor Roosevelt 

11 wks - 55lbs! Broke that Plateau:)

Well, finally this week I broke that darn plateau.  It took me nearly three weeks to see that scale move back down again, talk about a tough battle of wits.  No matter what means one uses to lose weight, the journey itself remains the same.  It's funny because I'm lucky if I eat 500-600 calories/day but yet I lose weight at this point like before when on Weight Watchers.  But, the big difference is this is a good steady pace and I don't have the hunger or want to eat like I did before.

That is the biggest change I've noticed up to this point.  The fact that eating is no longer a fun thing to be enjoyed.  It's actually a pain to eat, because it doesn't always agree with you and you are struggling to keep up with the three meals a day, getting your liquids in and primarily ensuring you meet at least your 50grams/day in proteins.  It's exhausting to focus on these elements and you literally have to be thinking about it all day, even though you are not in the least hungry.

Yesterday, I had my first puking incident.  I have been queasy and nauseated all week, my boss pointed out that perhaps it was induced my stress - after that statement I realized he was right.  At any rate, it was the end of the week when I came home last night and decided to eat something before we went to the movie.  I had a stuffed chicken breast, in which I had eaten twice before with no incidents.  But like everything else this week, when I began to eat the chicken I could feel it wasn't going well.  I pushed on and eat nearly half of the chicken.  Big mistake, that horrible pressure built up in my new stomach area and I could feel the nausea again coming on.  I got myself to the bathroom just in time and sure enough every bit of that chicken came back up.  I knew better, garlic is definitely one of the culprits since I don't seem to do well with anything in garlic either.  Immediately after I couldn't stand that taste in my mouth so I grabbed a sugar-free orange popsicle and felt better right away.  I drank probably 3 1/2 - 16oz bottles that day, so for me that was very successful.  

Today, I feel so much better.  I good night's rest and feeling less stressed has made all the difference.  I was going to do a 5K today, but felt that my three work-out sessions this week were sufficient and that I would most definitely go to the gym tomorrow instead.

Walking, a whole other world to me now.  I had been part of a walking group on campus, where I work over the summer months and at my heaviest I was struggling to keep up with the group.  I would have to always turn back mid-way and start heading back because I wasn't fast enough to keep up with the faster walkers.  The other day a co-worker and myself did an entire walk that would have been done with my group, plus the walk back to our building in 45mins....I was talking the entire time and felt great!  The other walks were about 1hr. 10mins for me to complete so the difference to me is staggering, to say in the least.  55lbs. sure makes a difference and it has made the difference!  I feel so much better.  

For those still wondering if they should do this surgery - I'm telling you it is exactly what someone needs that has any issues with weight or food.  I know I am still in the beginning process and have a ways to go to show the final results, but I have NEVER lost 55lbs. before and lord knows I've been on enough diets in my lifetime where I could have had the opportunity to lose the weight.  I think the best I ever did was nearly 30lbs a couple of different occasions.  

2 weeks after surgery

So, again, for comparison purposes, I am going to post some pictures again so you can see the results thus far:

Before at my heaviest

8/27/12 - 4 weeks after surgery

10/11/12 - 11 weeks after surgery

I think the visual is always important.  It is nice to mention no more blood pressure meds, I've lost 6 inches off my waist, my shoe size has already dropped a half size.

Super excited and happy at where I am at for me.  Remember, this is only about yourself and no one else.  No one else can tell you what to do with your body, but when you are indeed ready to take on this challenge, just think of all other things you can achieve once this achievement has been succeeded?!

I'll leave you with one of my favorite poems, Author Unknown

YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK. 

If you think you are beaten you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't;
If you want to win but think you can't;
It's almost a cinch you won't.

If you think you'll lose you're lost;
For out of the world we find
Success begins with a fellow's will;
It's all in a state of mind. 

Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger and faster man,
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.