Well, it has been nearly another month since I've posted and I'm down three more pounds. It has been difficult since the weight loss has slowed down considerably in the last three months. At this time though, I don't have as much to lose now, so I should be happy that I've gotten this far.
95lbs! Wow, that is nearly a 100 pounds now. I am confident I will lose more in the next few weeks to hit my goal of 100 before I leave for New York on May 16th. My mother and I made a deal a few years ago, before I even considered W.L.S. and the deal at that time was if I lost 50lbs, she'd take me to New York, all expenses paid for a reward. When I finally made the realization that I needed to approach my weight loss a different way and started making my plans for the surgery, I re-negotiated with her and said why don't we make it 100lbs? I think she was taken aback at first, not really sure how I thought I was going to lose that much and the prospect of the surgery frightened her. But as time went by and the date of surgery got closer, her and many of my other family members started to warm up to the idea.
Explaining to your loved ones about you doing the surgery is not for the faint of heart. Many people do not understand how the Gastric Bypass surgery works. I have explained it thoroughly in previous posts, however, I have not quite explained the emotional aspects from those closest to you. To this day, I know they all did not share all their concerns or hesitations with me. It was scary to them and to actually "volunteer" myself to change my body the way I did frankly surprised a lot of people. Eating how I knew it is no longer. But, I was frustrated, tired, sick of being fat, and scared that other health complications were soon to follow. Approaching my 40th birthday being severely over-weight was not how I envisioned myself. I was so mad at myself for letting myself go so far beyond where I ever thought possible. But, everyday I woke up and tried to wear clothes and look at myself in the mirror I knew I had to do something drastic. I tried Weight Watchers several times, many times suceeding in getting down 20-25lbs and then it would creep back on. And some.
Stress and not taking care of myself was the culprit. Not putting myself on the priority list. It was a simple as that.
So, back in the Fall of 2011 I took a long hard look at myself and realized something had to happen. My husband had finally started a job in his chosen field and seemed to be on his way to being settled again. I was no longer the sole bread winner, which the stress upon that itself was horrifying as I did not make enough to support us comfortably. That fall was so many things, on so many levels, it really changed me forever. I had also lost a co-worker that fall and was still reeling from the effects of that loss too. So my workload at work doubled as well. Hence, stress loaded on me double-fold. I believed I gained about 35lbs in those three months alone.
In December 2011 I made the first doctor's appointment to implement my new strategy, to get the Gastric Bypass Surgery. It required six months of logging my diet and exercise and taking those to my doctor each month. Then, I was required to start visiting the surgeon's office and go through all the extensive testings that were also required by the insurance companies. I was a perfect candidiate. I was approved and my surgery was schedule for July 27th, my birthday (My 39th birthday). I was over the moon in excitement. My husband was such a supporter from the beginning. He saw me struggle for so many years as the weight kept creeping on. He knew how frustrated I was and how maddening it was to do so many diets yet to keep failing.
The day I told him I wanted the surgery he asked me if I was sure. I told him I was never so sure in my life. I wanted to get his done already. Truth be told, I had really thought about this back in 2005 but hadn't known anyone personally yet to find out more about it. I kept thinking I'd just do it naturally through diet and exercise. However, six years later I realized I was failing miserably on my own. Steve had his own reservations about the procedure, and quietly read up on the effects of it and didn't tell me his own concerns. He knew how bad I wanted it. He wasn't going to stand in my way. I'll never forget the look on his face after I came out of recovery and they wheeled me into my room - he was there waiting for me. I was groggy and kind of out of it as I had spent nearly 6hrs in the recovery room extremely nauseated to where they had to knock me out each time I woke up. I was in fear of puking and undoing all the stitches that were now on my tummy area (I had six incisions). Oh, that was a scary time for me too. The poor guy. I think we both wondered what the hell I did to myself at that moment. It was scary.
This brings me back to the present. All that has gotten me to this point, I need to never forget and stay the course. It was extreme, yes. Did it help me achieve my goal, that remains to be seen. I need to still work very hard every day to make the right choices and keep the healthy lifestyle in play. It will be a struggle always. I am still not blessed with metabolism that lets me eat and do what I want. I never could.
Anyway, I will keep plugging away, but keeping a mindful eye on where I started and where I am going. At the end of this journey, I will be able to look back and share my experience with others who will either choose or not to choose to follow the same path.
I did it for me, no one else.
