Today, I crossed my legs for the first time in years! Yesterday, I cleaned the house and unloaded the dishwasher and continue to house clean for hours...prior to the surgery my back and knees wouldn't allow me to stand for more than a few minutes at a time. Stairs, oh I used to hate stairs. My husband would have to carry the laundry baskets up and down for me. My balance and mobility to go up and down were greatly diminished as the weight went higher. It was embarassing, it was humiliating, now my knees and my back don't ever hurt anymore. I went shopping this past weekend, sat in a dressing room cheering at myself in the mirror as my size 26 body is now down to a size 20. YAY ME! I even did a spin class with one of my co-workers the other day and did not stop for more than a few seconds, twice. Now of course I wasn't "spinning" as hard as they other people in the room, but I could do it! A few months ago, there would have been no way that I could have done that class. Celebrating all these milestones these past few weeks has been so motivating. I am over the moon happy with my progress and know it's just the beginning!
That is why I am sharing my story as I go. There will be some tough times, as I don't see the scale move, or that eating is no longer a comfort to me like it used to be. Then, there will be some great times as this last week has been day after day!
I am four days away from my three months since surgery and I am down a total of 59lbs! I had set a goal by the time I went home for Christmas - the first Christmas I've been home in over five years, that I would be down 70-75lbs by then. It looks like I'm on track to be close to that, if not in par with that goal. It's true, can I eat better? Can I exercise more? Sure, but the fact that I've already made the changes that I have is already proof enough that I am on the right track.
One word of advice for those out there watching their loved ones go through this process. Don't offer advice or you need to do this while we go through this process. We know! We are living it everyday. We know you care and want the best for us, but remember we are humans that have endured a lot to get to this point. We are literally taking baby steps to absorb what has happened to our bodies. We cannot possibly eat like we used to anyway, so for now that is not going to be a problem. Exercise, sure, but make it all about having fun to where it's not like exercise. I shopped for four hours the other day, that was way more fun then walking on a treadmill or riding the stationary bike. I get up all the time now. I go for walks on my lunch break, I get up from my desk more frequently. It's work in progress. But I do move more than I did before. I imagine as I get thinner I will be able to wear nicer work-out clothes where I'll start to feel more comfortable in a gym setting, I'm just not quite there yet.
We will get there, be patient. We aren't doing anything wrong, we are doing what we are suppose to do. The weight is coming off, lives are being changed. Life is pretty overwhelming right now. Don't add to it. Words of encouragement and love are all that we need. All the other stuff is what drove the scale up in the first place. We need to feel good about us and where we are going. So...focus on the positive now, not the negatives. We are done with the negatives, that why we got the surgery in the first place.
And for those people out there who think we took the easy way out, go, do it and see if it is. It's not! It's hard, eating has changed forever for me. I can't "enjoy" it like I used to. It hurts sometimes to eat, sometimes I have to throw up. Sometimes it feels like someone is punching me repeatedly in the chest when things don't quite agree. Liquids, I'm lucky if I get down 40oz a day, that's a good day. I can't eat/drink at the same time nor would I want to now because I'd get sick. I spent a lot of money to get this done, I certainly don't want to waste that investment.
Overall, I thank god everyday for showing me the way to do this surgery. I wished I had done it sooner! Every morning is like Christmas when I wake up and decide what to wear that day. Seeing my transformation in the mirror, hearing it from others who look back twice as they past me in the hallway. That is why I do it. I feel good again. I feel like I should for a 39 year old woman.
Leaving you with this quote, another favorite of mine:
With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.
Eleanor Roosevelt
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