Hi There!
As I write this and reflect to how I got to this point, I am sure it will be a familiar story as I find more people out there like myself. Years of yo-yo dieting, literal ups and downs and as I approach 40yrs. old I have come to realize the madness needs to stop!
I shouldn't be so hard on myself, like any normal person I've had many events, both good and bad occur in the past ten years. In fact, my life in the past ten years has been anything but normal. I have had owned my own business, become very successful, semi-retired, bankrupcy, re-invented myself and experienced loss/gains since then. I have learned alot about myself, more so in the last year than the previous ten that I just came from. Many of these realizations have actually carried forward from the time I was a teenager.
I loved my childhood, but I now realize a lot of what got me to this place stems from those days. I was in a big family (four kids) and had two great parents that to this day remain married and happy. By all accounts I had a wonderful childhood, everything I could ever want: nice clothes, toys, hobbies, good education, great family and friends, and I was also very active in sports. One tiny little detail though, my parents always talked about not being fat. "You don't want to end up looking like me." my father would always say. I remember several times being put on diets because I was getting too fat. As I think of it now and being a teenager at around 150lbs, today I would not consider that fat by any means. There was too much emphasis on how we looked and how we should look. Unfortunately, for my father, who is now 69 years old, he has poor health and relating to being overweight.. If I keep going down the same road, I too will end up there just as easily. My parents meant well and I do not like to speak ill of them publicly, but their comments and focuses on our weight and what we ate as children did not help us later in life. We couldn't control ourselves when bad foods were in the house, we would scarf it down because it was there. We were not taught moderation, or self-control. It was either there, or it wasn't. But when it was we couldn't get enough because we had been deprived. My mother, on the other hand, was always thin never had to worry about her weight, at least in her adult years. She was a chubby child, but managed to slim down and has been healthy almost her entire adult life. She too always placed an emphasis on eating and looking good. A mother who loved to shop, she would take us shopping for clothes and would always make comments like, "When you lose a few pounds you will look better in this." In spite of their comments and actions,we were rewarded for good actions and accomplishments with "treats". These treats may have been a chocolate bar, an frozen drink, chips, McDonalds, anything food-related. Looking back now, I think that was a source of gratification that was introduced to me at a young age and since then continues to be the case today. My two sisters have both said they are guilty of this too. They both are not at their ideal weights either but are not as far gone as I am. They too continue a cycle of constant dieting followed by weight gain and then all over again. My brother has faired better, however his career is that of a golf pro, so he is more active in his lifestyle. However, he too has times when he needs to watch his intake as well. He has a very sweet tooth and I know this is from our treat days when we were children. I remember one birthday my mother gave him a choice of whether he wanted a real birthday party with all his friends, or a smaller party with a couple of friends and two birthday cakes instead. Well, of course he picked the two birthday cakes. He was a thin child, but once he turned into and adult things caught up with him. But I can't blame my parents for all our weight issues, because simply back then, we didn't know what we do now. In today's world there is so much information that as a parent of today they're should be no problems (which is not the case, obesity in children is alarming and I've never seen so many overweight children in my life). We saw chubby kids when I was growing up, but not obese children like we do nowadays. I am pretty sure Fast Food, Computers, and two working parents contribute to this epidemic we are facing now. I have also seen too many people plop their kids in front of the tv, computer, and video games and let these mediums "babysit" their own children. I may not be a parent today, but to me this is a recipe for overweight children.
In my adult life I have gone through many phases of being fit, not being fit, eating right and not eating so right. Finally in my 30's it caught up to me. I have developed some bad eating habits with a lack of exercise which makes you feel less energetic and you eat more and do even less. And that is where I am today. I don't even want to say what I weight anymore, only my doctors and husband know and I am ready to do something about it once and for all!
It all really began again ten years ago when I owned my own business and was working 60-80hrs/week. I did not eat until the end of the day, and at that we ate out on the way home as we were too tired to even think about making a late dinner at home. I sat at my desk 12-14hrs./day and got little to no exercise. After the first two years, I had gained about 50lbs. Since then, my weight has crept up another 30-40lbs.
About seven months ago, after a rough fall I began to think seriously about the Gastric Bypass surgery. I knew a few people at the University I work at and watched their progress which was so amazing that it has motivated me to do the same. I had thought of it off/on for many years, but had always figured I could diet/exercise instead. Also, I hadn't known anyone yet who had done it personally therefore didn't understand the procedure. However, once making the decision to move forward and began this process, I have not looked back.
I have just had my final six-month appointment with my regular doctor. These are required to log in your daily eating logs and be weighed in and coached on better ways to improve your lifestyle. Also, the insurance companies require this as a must have before you have the surgery. In this time, you cannot gain more weight and show some sense of better eating habits. I will be honest I haven't ended up any better yet as I have battled one of the worst winters in Alaska in recent history and some rough patches of work-related issues. I had lost a co-worker last fall and it really wreak havoc in my work life and personal life as I mourned for his loss. I did not realize how much this individual affected my everyday life before/after his death. I threw myself into my work and tried in vain to "save" our workplace which also suffered another long term employee's departure. I had just previously lost 25lbs on Weight Watchers and thought I was on my way to a better me. However, obviously stress has never been a friend of mine and the fall/winter months saw a pattern of me gaining that weight back. I understand I am not superwoman, but I have tendencies that make me forget about myself and try to control everything else. I will have to control stress in other ways, so this will be part of progress in this journey.
I will try and share this experience as I go through each step. I did not find enough information on people who had gone through the same process and feel it is important to share as much as I can while I am going through it at the time. I know I have a long hard road ahead of me, but I know I am worth it and I do want to be around for a long time to come.
So please join me on my journey:) See you next time!
Daphne
