One Year, down nearly 110lbs!

Wow, it's really amazing how fast one year goes...  I remember the terrifying moments before surgery sitting with my husband and they began to attach the IVs and give me the pills I needed to prep for surgery.  It was a surreal moment of how desperate I was to take matters in to my own hands, once and for all. 

When I woke up in recovery a few hours in later, the feeling of terror that came over me as the overwhelming feeling of nausea hit me.  I panicked and screamed for the nurse to do something.  I did not want to undo what the surgeons had just done.  I had six sets of stitches throughout my stomach area.  One hurl and I felt that I'd bust every single one of them!  They gave me something to make me sleep again.  I woke up again a bit later, same feeling - same result.  The third time when I woke up it was then I was like, "Oh good, the feeling has subsided some."  I apologized to the nurse and was grateful they were still trying to get my room ready so they hadn't been ready for me anyway.  I was still very groggy but wanted to see my husband Steve.  Shortly thereafter, they wheeled me up to my room.  Steve was waiting right there as we came down the hallway.  Relief hit me when I realized how much I needed someone I knew to help me realize I was going to be okay.

I won't lie, it was not an easy road.  However, every bit of it was totally worth it when I look in the mirror today.  We all have to give up something in order to get to where we need to be.  It would be weeks before I could even eat any real food and months before the normal feelings of being full, stomach growling and other sensations that take time for your body to feel again.  If I had known how really all encompassing a surgery like this was, I may have chickened out.  I don't mean to deter others from doing this, but you really need to be ready to dedicate yourself to this.  If you want to deal with your eating problems and addictions to food, it's like when you quit smoking you have to be the one that wants it.  No one else can tell you when you're ready.  In my case, I had never been more ready.

A year later, I was in the middle of a move and was able to re-visit my past several times as boxes of old clothes were discovered that had sat in my garage for three years since our last move.  It blew my mind to see clothes that I had worn in the previous ten years and to see how far I had really come.  I even dared to wear a dress I wore to a friend's wedding nearly 18 years ago that I could now fit in!  Guess what, it's even a touch too big!  Everyday is like Christmas morning all over again.  That is the best way to describe a year later.

However, at this point, I still have another 40lbs to go to get closer to my ultimate goal.  I have to keep focused and it's all up to me now to get these finally pounds off of me for good.  They say the surgery is only good for the first year and in the second year it's really up to you.  At that point, they hope you have developed the right eating habits and have used exercise as your form of stress relief.  I have learned more this past year than all my previous diets all combined many times over.  Carbs, sugars, and all my things that I loved are now a very minimal part of my life.  I still eat them, but in much smaller quantities and not very often.  Instead of everyday, they have been phased out to once in a while.  I have so much more energy and have found the zest again for wanting to make the most out of every day.  I wake up early most mornings, even on weekends.  My attitude has gone from no I can't do that to I never say no anymore.  I realized how much I was holding myself back for so many years as the weight crept up.  It happens overtime without you even realizing what you're doing.  I have always been very social and active, but not so much in the last ten years.  People that have just met me in the last couple of years probably thought I was a pretty active and bubbly person.  However, that was just a shadow of my real self that people who knew me from my childhood until a few years after I got married. 

Many of my posts on this blog are self reflective and may be at times repetitive.  This process I am going through and where I am shows exactly how I am feeling when I am feeling it.

I realized yesterday that it has been nearly a couple months since my last post and I urged myself to make it my goal to chronicle my journey once again as that one year anniversary is super important to me.  How far I've come in that year for me is a dream coming true.  I no longer have the same issues or fears that I had a year ago.  I am well on to my way now to become the person I once was again. 

I believe the pictures always speak for themselves (please excuse the haphazard layout, I can't quite figure out how to align these just right)...

104lbs down - went to New York as a reward for my 100lbs = AWESOME!

Well, if myself a year ago could see me now, she'd know this was the best decision she's ever made for herself in a LONG time!  How I feel today is NO comparison to a year ago - hands down!  I know a year from now, again I'll have the same thought again.

How can I possibly describe how this feels?  All I can say is that those of you still contemplating whether this is the right decision for you, trust me you will feel better about yourself in so many ways.  Clothes and fitting into them is a whole different ballgame now.  I have gone from size 24-26, which is horrifying in itself, down to a size 14-16 at the moment.  The clothes I wore at the larger sizes were not my favorite and I dealt with it, barely.  Now, I can actually fit into fun clothes that look good.  My problem now when I go into the dressing room with a pile of clothes is not, "What is going to actually fit?" but more like, "Wow, what do I really need now?"  I know buying clothes right now is kind of dumb since I still have another 50-60lbs to get to my ultimate goal but I still want to feel and look good along the way.  It's worth it!  It's been years since I actually felt excited to go shopping. 

New York, let me explain that trip's meaning.  Mom and I a few years ago made a deal that if I ever lost 50lbs, she'd buy me an all expense paid trip to New York.  Last year when I knew I was going into surgery I re-negotiated the deal with her.  I said to her that if I hit 100lbs the deal was on.  I think she kind of didn't know what to say, so she went along with it.  100lbs is a bit of a hefty goal, no pun intended.  But at that time, I knew that with this surgery and my first year hitting 100lbs was a great possibility.  I also knew that once I got this extra 100lbs off of me that life itself would be forever changed to a level of "Now I know I can actually move and do things again".  Sure enough, I was exactly right!  I have energy again, it is easier to exercise, easier to shop, easier to do everything again.  It's amazing how the weight literally "weighs you down".  As pictures of me are being posted on my facebook page, people are seeing the changes in me over the past 10 months.  Looking in the mirror is a shock everyday.  My face no longer has that puffy, triple-chin effect that was happening at my heaviest.  I look like me again! 

So New York...was a most wonderful reward for this half of my journey.  I could walk the city with little discomfort, which was on average 7-10 miles a day.  I could shop anywhere and fit in clothes that I wouldn't have a few months ago.  I bought a Tommy Hillfiger jean jacket at Macys, the first thing other than a pair of shoes from that brand I've ever owned!  I also bought a few DKNY shirts, another first for me - another brand I never could hope to fit in either.  I even got a Lucky brand top that again, a brand typically for the "thinner" crowd.  All fit, and even some were in size Large, not XL.  I was over the moon!  I enjoyed the trip with my mom, younger sister, and my aunt.  It was a great time had by all!  I saw most of the sights in New York and now can add this amazing, fascinating city to my list!  Would I live there? No way.  Too much stimulation and too many people!  Not my cup of tea.

So next on my list for next May, I am talking to my mother again about a possible trip to the Grand Canyon!  Perhaps a hike down the Bright Angel trail to stay down at the Phantom Ranch at the bottom?!  I have booked so many of these trips over the years with my business that the time has finally come to make the trek myself.  I would also love to raft the Colorado River too!

I would never have dreamt that I could do any of things before, especially in the last 10-15 years.  Don't take your health for granted, it doesn't take much to get to a place of what on earth did I do to myself?!  It is so easy to do. 

this is me about 1 1/2 months ago - around 93lbs lost

 

I'll post more photos next time! Photos truly tell the story of one's weight-loss

 

**Until next time!!! Daphne

Nearly 9 months, down 95lbs

Well, it has been nearly another month since I've posted and I'm down three more pounds.  It has been difficult since the weight loss has slowed down considerably in the last three months. At this time though, I don't have as much to lose now, so I should be happy that I've gotten this far.

95lbs!  Wow, that is nearly a 100 pounds now.  I am confident I will lose more in the next few weeks to hit my goal of 100 before I leave for New York on May 16th.  My mother and I made a deal a few years ago, before I even considered W.L.S. and the deal at that time was if I lost 50lbs, she'd take me to New York, all expenses paid for a reward.  When I finally made the realization that I needed to approach my weight loss a different way and started making my plans for the surgery, I re-negotiated with her and said why don't we make it 100lbs?  I think she was taken aback at first, not really sure how I thought I was going to lose that much and the prospect of the surgery frightened her.  But as time went by and the date of surgery got closer, her and many of my other family members started to warm up to the idea.

Explaining to your loved ones about you doing the surgery is not for the faint of heart.  Many people do not understand how the Gastric Bypass surgery works.  I have explained it thoroughly in previous posts, however, I have not quite explained the emotional aspects from those closest to you.  To this day, I know they all did not share all their concerns or hesitations with me.  It was scary to them and to actually "volunteer" myself to change my body the way I did frankly surprised a lot of people.  Eating how I knew it is no longer.  But, I was frustrated, tired, sick of being fat, and scared that other health complications were soon to follow.  Approaching my 40th birthday being severely over-weight was not how I envisioned myself.  I was so mad at myself for letting myself go so far beyond where I ever thought possible.  But, everyday I woke up and tried to wear clothes and look at myself in the mirror I knew I had to do something drastic.  I tried Weight Watchers several times, many times suceeding in getting down 20-25lbs and then it would creep back on.  And some. 

Stress and not taking care of myself was the culprit.  Not putting myself on the priority list.  It was a simple as that. 

So, back in the Fall of 2011 I took a long hard look at myself and realized something had to happen.  My husband had finally started a job in his chosen field and seemed to be on his way to being settled again.  I was no longer the sole bread winner, which the stress upon that itself was horrifying as I did not make enough to support us comfortably.  That fall was so many things, on so many levels, it really changed me forever.  I had also lost a co-worker that fall and was still reeling from the effects of that loss too.  So my workload at work doubled as well.  Hence, stress loaded on me double-fold.  I believed I gained about 35lbs in those three months alone. 

In December 2011 I made the first doctor's appointment to implement my new strategy, to get the Gastric Bypass Surgery.  It required six months of logging my diet and exercise and taking those to my doctor each month.  Then, I was required to start visiting the surgeon's office and go through all the extensive testings that were also required by the insurance companies.  I was a perfect candidiate.  I was approved and my surgery was schedule for July 27th, my birthday (My 39th birthday).  I was over the moon in excitement.  My husband was such a supporter from the beginning.  He saw me struggle for so many years as the weight kept creeping on.  He knew how frustrated I was and how maddening it was to do so many diets yet to keep failing. 

The day I told him I wanted the surgery he asked me if I was sure.  I told him I was never so sure in my life.  I wanted to get his done already.  Truth be told, I had really thought about this back in 2005 but hadn't known anyone personally yet to find out more about it.  I kept thinking I'd just do it naturally through diet and exercise.  However, six years later I realized I was failing miserably on my own.  Steve had his own reservations about the procedure, and quietly read up on the effects of it and didn't tell me his own concerns.  He knew how bad I wanted it.  He wasn't going to stand in my way.  I'll never forget the look on his face after I came out of recovery and they wheeled me into my room - he was there waiting for me.  I was groggy and kind of out of it as I had spent nearly 6hrs in the recovery room extremely nauseated to where they had to knock me out each time I woke up.  I was in fear of puking and undoing all the stitches that were now on my tummy area (I had six incisions).  Oh, that was a scary time for me too.  The poor guy.  I think we both wondered what the hell I did to myself at that moment.  It was scary.

This brings me back to the present.  All that has gotten me to this point, I need to never forget and stay the course.  It was extreme, yes.  Did it help me achieve my goal, that remains to be seen.  I need to still work very hard every day to make the right choices and keep the healthy lifestyle in play.  It will be a struggle always.  I am still not blessed with metabolism that lets me eat and do what I want.  I never could.

Anyway, I will keep plugging away, but keeping a mindful eye on where I started and where I am going.  At the end of this journey, I will be able to look back and share my experience with others who will either choose or not to choose to follow the same path.

I did it for me, no one else.

Wow - the mirror is changing...

It really is amazing how you can look in the mirror everyday and not notice the subtle changes here and there, but all the sudden one day you reach for something and you're like, "Wait a minute, did I just feel my bone there?!"  Or you glance sideways in the mirror and realize the person looking back at you is really you afterall and that the person you are looking at is different. 

So many of those moments over the last few months, but especially the last few weeks have seemed even more surreal.  As of today I am officially down 92lbs!  It's been very gradual over the last couple of months, however, still consistent.  I have also stepped up my workout schedule and am happy to say I enjoy working out more now.

The other day I was at work and one of my students I hadn't seen in over a year dropped by the office to visit with me.  At first I glanced up and she was looking between my old work cubicle and back again to my new one (I had a promotion back in November, so I had moved across and up from where I was at before).  Anyway, she looked confused as I glanced back to see what was going on.  Then she realized it was indeed me and a look of absolute shock was on her face.  She immediately exclaimed, "Wow, you look great!"  I was laughing because the look on her face was priceless.  She continued on to say it appeared I had lost a lot of weight.  She had no way of knowing the means to how I did it, but to hear and see her reaction was heart warming.  It's funny, because I've had a few reactions like this lately and it wakes me up a bit to realize that nearly a 100lbs loss is actually pretty astounding.  I have been wanting to lose this weight for so long, I had forgotten all the little things along the way that I have found myself being able to do again.

I just enjoyed one this evening.  I gave myself a manicure/pedicure which a year ago I could hardly trim my own toe nails or even paint them because I was so overweight.  No one likes to admit these things, but my own husband watched me try and it broke his heart.  At the time though, I was in the beginning stages of getting my paperwork ready for the surgery, so I knew I was doing something about it.

The other morning, I ran from my car all the way into my office, and guess what I was barely huffing.  Before, to walk from my car just to the building I'd already feel winded at my heaviest.  Moving around was not easy when I was that heavy.

So many things to think about as one makes this journey. It's impossible to know ahead of time, or understand as you are going through it just how much it all makes a difference. 

I''m not done yet, not by a long shot - but I do feel SO much better.  I've gotten my life back.  I can do things again.  I am not making anymore excuses to why I am not doing things.  Heck, I even applied to the university I work at, so I could transfer my credits and finish my degree!  I am so motivated and now realize there is no limit to what one can do once they put their mind to something.

I always knew this and had done things in my life up to this point to already prove that.  However, I had lost sight of this determination the last few years.  But I am happy to report, I have found it again!!! 

Had my six month check-in at the Bariatric office the other day.  Met with the nurse and dietician and they both were pleased with my progress.  I am on track and all is good!

Life is good:)

Other challenges and perks to this whole crazy ride

So, I've noticed that I am complaining about the lack of loss for my weight lately.  You know what's really funny, the scale doesn't always reflect what is really going on.  I just tried on and bought a pair of size 14s the other day, how crazy is that?!  I haven't wore a size 14 anything in about 18 years!  My body size is different today and I am even still about 30lbs heavier then when I wore a size 14 before.  Strange, but true.

I also frequently peruse a forum online for other Gastric Bypass patients and am thankful to have that resource as my "go to" for any of the wierd things I have experienced along the way.  Today, as I was glancing over the other posts I realized just how much I am not alone on this journey.  Someone was talking about how much hair they are losing.  I too just had experienced this and finally my is slowing down again.  I had super thick hair to begin with, so at first I was not to worried as I figured I could stand to lose a bit anyway.  However, a few weeks of hair like I'd never seen before coming out in my brushes, combs and in general really did freak me out.  I eventually upped my Biotin intake to 2000 ICUs a day and it did eventually slow done again, however, my hair is truly half as thick as it used to be.  It's weird to feel my hair now, it feels so thin.  But then again, my creative hair stylist in me has found a style that works and it does not appear to be very different again. 

Back to the size 14s...being in the dressing room putting that size on was so surreal to me.  A year ago, I was hard pressed to find a size 24 that would barely fit me.  That moment was so awful and such a blow to my self worth, it was just that awful.  When those 14s fit me, the opposite feeling washed over me, a sense of pure joy and accomplishment!  The number on the scale isn't always reflective of where our bodies are at size wise, and I think I need to remember that more often.  I thought I was at another plateau, but when I went to my doctor's the other day, I had still lost another 8lbs. since my last visit four weeks ago.  That is not truly a plateau and I need to get over it and quit thinking it's not happening, because it truly still is!  The prospect of where I'll be a year from now is in itself a scary one.  I have no idea what I'll feel or be like hitting that weight range of what I was in High School! Wow, that'll be a day!

I no longer eat chocolate bars, drink pop, eat fast-food, drink alcohol, or have any other types of junk food.  And I feel so much better for it!  This is a lifestyle change, the surgery doesn't do the work for you, it's a combination of eating right, exercising, and eating less.  These are all skills that I should have been doing in the first place!  Where I went wrong was not being accountable of what was going into my mouth.  I gave up and let myself go.  This is still NOT easy.  Getting the surgery was NOT the easy way out.  There are still the same challenges.  Losing weight, watching the scale not moving, drinking more fluids, eating less, eating right, exercising often, the type of exercise, etc...  Remember, the sensations I feel now when I eat are completely different than before surgery.  I've just recently began to get the "feel full" sensation again.  This comes back after your new pouch has completely healed, or so I've been told.  Before, I would just get that pushing down sensation and feel sick if I ate too much. Now, the full feeling has finally returned.  However, I don't like that feeling anymore and do what I can to avoid it, like eat less.

Another culprit I had struggled with pre-surgery was stress.  I've learned how to deal with stress better.  Stress was my number one killer for my weight.  I didn't think I was a stress eater and pretended that I didn't have that problem.  Who was I kidding?!  In the first two years I had my business, I gained 50lbs!  That was pure stress right there.  Now, after a tough day when i go to work out I feel a million times better.  And, nothing is worth stressing out that much over - to sacrifice your body's well being.  I prefer to be content and not think about things like I used to.  I have to tell my mind to shut off when I get home.  As soon as I walk through that door, I quit thinking about my day and rejoice in being home and doing my own personal things.  My new lesson in life, I do NOT take work home with me anymore.  I stay away from the conflict as much as possible.  All this used to wear me out in the past and I have come to realize I don't deal well with that kind of stress.  My new solution, I chose not to entertain it at all!  It's okay to walk away and not have to fix everything.  A big realization for me and I am only to happy to not have it anymore.  If I want to live a full life, I need to not stress more than necessary.  This will still continue to be a daily battle for me, as I blame it on my type "A" personality.  But admitting it is the first step to recovery:)  This was a big factor in me being overweight and I've come to realize it and take action in no longer allowing stress to take over my life.

So, amongst other things, I have come to realize that dealing with stress is important on this new journey.  Creating less of it is really the key.  Focus on the positives, and life in general just gets a bit easier. 

Controlling my weight correlates exactly to how "out of control" my life can be if the weight is out of control.  Right now, I am back on track and doing well.  I have another year or so to hit my goal and begin the maintaining process.  Hopefully by then my habits will be natural and I will be in another phase of my life where weight will no longer be the issue, as the stress will be at a minimal level.

A nice day that will be...

Until next time!

Daphne 

Frustrated, only at 85lbs loss since last post...

I promised myself I'd keep writing no matter what as I went through this process.  I still feel really good and have been working out, still eating well and doing everything I am supposed to do.  However, at the moment the scale is not reflecting too well.  I suppose this is the second stall I've had since I've started this process and I need to know it's just part of it.  My clothes are fittting bigger, so I know I am continuing to lose the inches, but the weight part hasn't caught up yet.

So, hopefully soon I'll break that number that seems to pop up on my scale every time I weight in.  Literally in the last four days I've stayed the exact same.  I know part of my problem is my liquid intake isn't as it could be.  It's always something.  And I know my protein intake isn't what it should be either.  It's hard to continually keep thinking about eating and drinking.  But seriously, I don't eat more than 800 calories per day, nor do I drink less than 32oz. of fluids per day.  It'll come, patience is needed.

This will be a short write-up, as I am still a bit discouraged not much loss has occured this past month.  But back in September for about 3-4 weeks I experienced the same problem their too.  I just have to keep one foot in front of the other and not worry about it.  It'll come.

Good quote for today:

Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them –every day begin the task anew. 

-Saint Francis De Sales

Wow, been awhile still losing steady...down 82lbs

Well it has now been well over a month since I've posted last.  I was starting to feel like whoppee do, I haven't really lost anything this past month, but then I really have.  I think the important thing that I need to talk about is the changes I am seeing in people that know me, it is really starting to become obvious and the comments, compliments and reactions I am getting is all the range of emotions I can't even begin to describe.

As I write this, I am trying to be careful not to boast, complain, cringe, and every other emotion one has from getting too much attention on something that you weren't prepared for.  Of course I thought it'd be awesome to lose the weight and feel better about myself.  But I was not prepared for all the rest of it.  The clothes, how fast I am going through them...how much better getting up in the morning feels when I can reach into my closet and actually feel excited about dressing up again.  Things look better on me again.  I don't fret about what still fits and what doesn't look good anymore.  I am just so darn thankful that I made this decision and the benefits have far outweighed the negatives by a mile.  I am that happy. 

I am learning to be graceful, in receiving comments, compliments, feed backs about how I look. It's hard because you become more self conscious as you realize wow, people must have thought I was that heavy.  But I really was.  And to see me change in front of my eyes has been hard to track, it's hard when you look at yourself everyday.  Even my husband has said the same thing.  He all the sudden looked at me one day recently and was like, "Wow, I didn't realize how skinny you are starting to really look?!"  I kind of laughed.  He's like, "No, really, it's like I look at you everyday but today you look especially skinnier. Like wow!"  It was a fun affirmation.  Even people I work with everyday I have been careful not to say too much, but the compliments and encouragement I receive from them on a regular basis feels good yet I don't want them to feel like they have to continuously say something.  And this is just the beginning as I want to lose another 50-60lbs minimum.  So, it'll be a wild journey.

Keeping myself grounded, focused and happy to be where I'm at the moment is important. I need to keep the person inside of me with me and not change.  It's hard though, as you feel and gain more confidence as you realize you are finally succeeding in a challenge you've had your whole entire life.  The hours and time I have spent since I can remember about if I was just 20-30lbs lighter, or this size or that look...good lord it's overwhelming.  To realize a dream that you've never allowed yourself to even think that was possible.  I had told myself that I was a big girl and that was okay.  But as time went by and I saw how much it was affecting my lifestyle and health I knew something had to change.  I feel so much better.

Keeping up the weight loss through the next few months will be harder as I am able to eat more different foods as my stomach heals more and the body is adjusting to my new way.  There are so many things I approach differently.  I no longer look at all the stuff I can eat, but what I can eat.  I keep it real and healthy and make sure I get all I need first such as my proteins and fluids.  It's a constant battle throughout the day to make sure I eat enough.  Never thought that would be a problem, but it is now a reality.  Today, for example, I am just not able to eat the more solid dense foods, just not working.  It can be garlic is in the food or I am just bit "off" today.  I had a vanilla greek yogurt with vanilla almond granola for breakfast.  At lunch I tried to finish eating my lasagna I had at Olive Garden (this was the 4th meal off the serving I got in the restaurant!).  I eat 2/3 of the portion I had left and was threw it in the garbage.  I was done.  This afternoon I drank a cup of tea and began my propel water.  After I got back from an appointment I was really hungry and had some trail mix, went down with no problems.  Tonight for dinner I tried to eat leftovers of sausage and potatoes - did not work out after 3-4 bites.  I gave up and drank my decaf coffee instead.  Now I have finally finished a few pistachios.  I am done today.  I will probably make a protein shake in the morning so I can start my day at 50g of protein and make up for today.  I probably had about 55g today, which isn't terrible but I should have more like 60-80g/day minimum.  120g is optimal, but I have yet to reach that high yet.  It is hard with the 1/2 cup portions, or even trying to consume enough before I get full anyway.  I'll just have to keep plugging on. 

I am working out, but to be honest since I've gone on my vacation until now I have not gone to the gym much.  I am walking around a lot and moving a lot though and I think that is something.  My stamina and energy level is very high.  I can shop without getting tired for 2-3hrs without even thinking about sitting down.  Such a change from before.  A year ago I couldn't even stand for more than ten minutes without my lower back and knees killing me.  Let alone walking for 2hrs without sitting down.  Would not happen.  I am so happy that is no longer my situation.  My husband would over compensate and do most of the household chores because I was too tired to finish them when I was at my heaviest.  Not the person I ever imagined I would be.  I did not know how that person emerged.  All the sudden it was like, "This is not cool.  I used to be a competitive swimmer, I used to be a hairdresser and stand on my feet for like 12hrs.  I used to run around with my friends all the time on snowmobiles and hikes. "  I was missing out on life and I didn't like it.

I am hoping eventually that I can be an inspiration to others similar to me.  Because there is hope.  This surgery and new way of life for me has changed me, not just in weight but it has opened up so much for me that I had been lacking for so long.  I think I have gained more confidence that I've had as I've gotten older too, but no combined with where I'm going it's a new found attitude.  There is nothing I can't do.  I've always been like that anyway, I never knew the word no.  But now, I just feel like that has become an even stronger attribute for me.  All my life people said I wasn't smart enough, pretty enough, not able to hear well, not fast enough, not the best swimmer, etc... blah blah blah.  Every time I heard something, I would just want to prove that much more that they were wrong.  Most times I succeeded too.  That was why the last few year I was like, "Where is that girl?!"  It was like I had given in.  The weight literally weighed me down.  Once I was getting lighter again all that negative energy and weight started to dissipate again.  It feels to be accomplished again.  Don't ever give up.  You owe it to yourself.  Just do it!  I wish I had done this sooner, but I believe the journey in my life to get to that point hadn't presented itself yet and I need to experience everything up to that point to really understand hitting "the bottom". 

People who know me may never had saw any of these struggles other than the physical side of when I grew heavier with each passing year.  I tried to keep that spirit in me alive and fighting.  I was still there, but just squished down. 

And here I re-emerge.  2012 was a year of doing for myself and taking that big step and being proactive about changing my life.  2013 is a continuing journey of that vow to change my life and keep striving to better myself.  This is the year I turn 40 and I want to hit my birthday and say to myself, "You did it!".  I will then know that I will continue on in life healthier and better for it.

The best birthday present to give to one's self.

I broke 70lbs, YAY! Officially 71lbs of loss!!!

So, just before I began to write this post I was going to talk about my strategy to break 70lbs this week.  Then, I thought to myself, lets weigh-in right now even though I weighed in yesterday and see if it's happened yet...  Long and behold, I am at 71lbs of loss!

But the real reason I felt inclined to write today, is because yesterday I went shopping and I didn't really mean to buy a whole lot because I am about to take a three week holiday and figured I'd have lots of time then to "browse".  Well, you know what they say when you are on a roll while shopping, "Strike the iron while its hot!"  I was doing that little dance of joy right in the dressing room itself.  I had grabbed some smaller sizes as I suspected I was getting down some and it was time to see if I was there yet.  I am proud to report (this isn't my final goal, but for now I'm completely happy about this) that I am down to a size 18 on the pants and can wear XL and 1X on top.  I am officially out of the those god awful 20s.  Another couple of sizes and I'll be able to start shopping again the "normal" section and not have to pick through the awful plus sizes that always seem to try to make you like worse than you already do.  I hate plus sizes.  They pick floral imprints or colors or shapes that just are dreadful.  That is why I wear a lot of black. It's a normal basic staple that you can't screw up.  But, as I have been losing weight I have found I am buying other colors again.  However, yesterday, I did buy two pairs of black pants and then another pair of the blue jeans I had in a 22, now in the size 18 - because the 22s are being held up by a belt.  I have lost about 5 inches off my bustline now, maybe even more.  I never took all my measurements at the beginning (I think I did not really want to know how bad off I was). 

I leave for my Christmas Vacay in 6 days.  I am looking forward to this trip, because I know this will give my family a chance to see the changes up close.  Not just my physical looks, but also how I eat and move.  I know they've been concerned about my health for a few years, and rightfully so.  Back when I had my own business, I worked 60-80hrs/week, ate once a day, no exercise, and drank too much.  I was so unhealthy back then.  My blood pressure was high and I was so stressed out.  Then we sold our business back in '04 and I thought I'd take care of myself back then.  I even considered the surgery back then too, but opted not to since I could do it on my own.  I was too busy enjoying myself and traveling to even really truly do something about it.  Then my husband himself had two health scares in two years.  I totally forgot about myself and then eventually went back to work full-time as the economy went down hill and found ourselves in a crunch just like everyone else.  And from there on, my weight crept back up.

But enough of that, I have finally done something about it and it's working!  I am trying to eat different things each day as I don't want to be stuck eating the same thing day in/day out. 

Trying on clothes is so much fun now!  It'll be nice when I can look in the mirror and see my problem areas totally gone.  I am still waiting for that to happen.  My mid-section has always been a source of frustration and once I see that disappear I'll feel truly free of the unsightly bulges.

Yes, I am excited!  The thought that when I get back from my Christmas break, that I'll actually be down another few pounds and maybe even dare to think I'll be down 80lbs by then is amazing!  I am so stoked! 

Once again, best thing I ever did for myself.  I can't stress that enough to others who are thinking about doing this for themselves.  Its drastic and your life changes in more ways than you can imagine, however, the positives far outweigh the negatives.

Which brings me to my final point for today - I hate negative comments or thoughts.  I have noticed when people try to bring others down and always have to make a negative statement in response to one you've made.  What's up with that?  It's always the same people too!  I feel sorry for these people.  They must be truly unhappy in life.  Here's a thought for everyone reading this, think before you speak or write, is my negative comment really a valid point or am i lashing out because it's my usual response.  Why is it that I am doing this?  There's a book and video series out there called "The Secret".  I recommended negative nay-sayers to read about this concept.  It basically talks about how positive thoughts and energies will bring forth positive results.  There is so much truth to this concept on a logical basis that I challenge those people to try it for awhile. 

Why must we be negative?  There are realists, then they're are just those party poopers.  Positivity is so much nicer to be around.  Negativity, I avoid like the plague.  When I am around negative people, it has a tendency to spread easily.  I have removed all negativity from my life.  I don't have time for it, it's a plague I no longer wish to catch.

Think about it, do something about it.  Here's the website for "The Secret":
http://www.thesecret.tv/thesecretbook/

Enjoy!

Day after Thanksgiving and the weight loss still continues, AWESOME!

Well, I'd be lying if I didn't say I was nervous about this time of the year.  This is always the time of the year where I gain typically anywhere from 5-15lbs.  This is where I'd gain the weight for the year, every year and get heavier every year because of it.

Halloween, no candy = success!
Thanksgiving - I did not cook, therefore ate out instead = success!
***going home for Christmas, I have an incredible family support system, I already know = success!

I weighed in this morning showing a total of 68lbs of loss! Super excited and so truly thankful again that I chose to tackle this issue the way I did.  I always said to myself that I could lose the weight, the where/how/when was always the question.  Once again, the reason this works for me, I cannot physically eat more.  For me that is a true blessing.  For others, they may be mortified that they have to give up their enjoyment of eating and not find enjoyment in eating anymore.  For me, it was enjoy food - live shorter, or find a way not to make food my enjoyment and live longer! I chose the latter.  I love life and living.  I, if possible my god's good will, want to live a long and healthy life.  I realize that things happen and that perhaps someday something could happen to me that has nothing to do with my weight, but circumstances.  But if I can be the change in my life for better for now, that is more important.

Living each day, to the fullest.  That is what my goal is.  I work hard, play hard, and love hard.  I want my life to mean something to myself - because once I'm gone and those around me pass into the next life, no one else will remember.  I want to look back at my life and say to myself, "I tried everything and did all that I could do to live a good life."

Thus far, I have not been disappointed.  I have done so many extraordinary things to date, that I have lived more than I ever dreamed possible.  I have had an amazing childhood, great travels, many wonderful people I've met along the way, and lived in many different places.  I have been truly blessed with the tools of adjusting to life as it comes.  I've had my share of ups and downs, just like anyone else, but one constant that I try to do is push through everything, no matter what.  There have been tough times in recent years, but it has only made me stronger.  I believe things happen for a reason and learning for that reason alone is what we need to do.  It may not be clear right away, but as time presents itself - the answer will be revealed.  I write this blog, not to impress people, I write this blog simply to document all that I am going through in this journey.

Of all my challenges in life, which I've had many and those closest to me understand me and those challenges, the challenge of my weight is one of the biggest ones I've encountered.  I've struggled for so many years, as early as I can remember, as the one constant I could never ultimately overcome.  I was an average child and teenager.  Looking back now, I did not really have a noticeable weight issue until my early 20s.  However, I've always felt fat.  I could always lose 20lbs, 10lbs, 50lbs, or more.  The dressing rooms in countless stores, I would also curse at the mirror.  The clothes that didn't fit the way I wanted them too, or the things I wanted to wear, but could not.  Always trying to look my best has not always been easy for me.  Sometimes it was just easier not to care.  But as I find myself now approaching 40 this next year and being in a good place with myself mentally, I realize that I quite like myself after all!  Once I reach my first milestone of weight loss, I am going to be easier on myself and give myself a pat on the back for a job well done.  Once I get the final milestone of my ultimate weight loss goal, I will try my very best to maintain the loss, however, will not obsess about it.  My final gift to myself, be happy and don't let it be my life.  I will hopefully have learned all the new valuable ways to eat properly by this point and have daily exercise ingrained into my life that keeping the weight off will be fine.  I will never go back to where I started at, I remind myself daily how awful that felt both mentally and physically.  I do not know who that person was, I think I simply gave up.  I had no hope, was so enraged by that number on the scale I went into a state of denial.  The mirror and clothes though gave me a reality check.

It can be done.  Changing your life in whatever circumstance you need.  Just find the tools you need to help resolve your problem.  For me, pretending there wasn't one was my issue.  When I got the call about my dad's health this past year, it woke me up.  All that he is going through, is all that would await me if I continued down the path I had gone.  I realized then, as I do now that you are never too young and have so much time to figure things out.  I have lost friends in the past few years, who were not considered old and died for various reasons that perhaps death could have been avoided if they had taken better care of themselves.  I've almost lost my husband twice, both times in his 30s.  We are not immortal.  We are human beings and we have to take care of this one body we are given.

I apologize for this long ranting for today's post.  But, I felt it necessary to continue to reflect upon how I arrived at this point. Each day I find myself shaking my head, or nodding my head at some realization of what this weight loss has meant to me.  I know once I conquer this, I truly can do anything I put my mind too.

Here are some wonderful quotes that I find really inspirational:

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. 
Norman Vincent Peale 

Always continue the climb. It is possible for you to do whatever you choose, if you first get to know who you are and are willing to work with a power that is greater than ourselves to do it.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox 

The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.
Confucius 

If you can dream it, you can do it.
Walt Disney 


Until next time...

Learning from other's experiences...

Nothing is more helpful than those that are going through the same process as you.  I appreciate the support I get from friends and family, but there are so many questions, frustrations, and other feelings one goes through while you embark on this journey.  If someone ask me that they were considering this surgery, I certainly would have a lot of information and advice, but nothing prepares you for it fully until you are at that moment living it.

The information I learn and read about through online forums and clubs is so helpful and motivating that one bit of advice I would give, is be sure you have access to forums about obesity and specifically to those with people that have had the same type of surgery as you have.  So many little things along the way pop up that it's impossible to know it all before surgery.

I thought it'd be interesting to share with you some of the questions or revelations being shared so you can see what we go through on a daily basis.  I make sure I do this at least every day for now, as it keeps me motivated and at the same time some of my own questions get answered too, here are a few:

Well I have had two NSV's in the last two days:

Here they are

1. Had to get xrays done and needed to put on a gown, I fit in a regular gown and it tied! No more buttoning two gowns together for me!!

2. I tried on a size 16 pants today and they fit! Yup not even plus. That makes me feel good as it is officially half my former size! I started this journey at a tight 32! 

NSV= Non Scale Victory

_________________________________________________________________________________

Living with Regret
I suppose I'm venting.  I started the process of gastric bypass at 429lbs I am now down to 364.  Before the surgery no one teased me, I was actually a very big healthy girl despite my weight, maybe it has something to do with my age which I just turned 27.  I was a very happy and out spoken person and the only time I've ever gotten sick is my once a year cold.  Now after the surgery I feel sick all the time.  I'm out of surgery for 5 weeks now and my doctor just told me to go on liquids for another week and I've been on them for one week already.  I feel like I'm going to die from starvation any minute now even though I'm not hungry.  I've gotten in about 800 calories over the last week.  I'm tired all the time.  I cry all the time.  I cry probably at least once a hour.  I'm nauseated and I throw up liquids. I throw up pills. I just think to myself was it better to be overweight and fulfilled; then become thinner and feel like I've given away my life? 

**Answers:

Dry those tears, Missy! Everyone has a bit or buyers remorse right after surgery.  Your body is in the early stages of healing.  Not to mention the crazy hormone swings from lack of nutrition and just having a very traumatic surgery!

You've been out of surgery for just 5 weeks.  Some people have an easy time, some do not.  But just about everyone, in the long run, is very pleased with the results.  Hang in there and do as you are told.  Don't be afraid to call your doctor's office every time you think you need to.I promise when you look back on this (in your skinny jeans!) you'll realize it was so worth it.

We are here for you too.
********************************

Boy do I remember that time!

The good news: you are not alone. Many of us feel this way in the first few months of surgery.

The bad news: that doesn't make you feel any better, does it?

Ok, here is the REALLY good news. This time next year it is likely you'll be half the size you are now. You may even be even healthier, more fit and more vibrant that you were the day you went into surgery. By then you will have had a host of "non-scale victories" that take you by surprise. They are different for us all. For some it's crossing your legs for the first time. For others it's buckling an airplane safety belt with ease or running a mile or WALKING a mile. But whatever that "thing" is for you, you're going to surprise yourself...and it's going to be pretty awesome.

So consider this a "dues paying" period of sorts. Your body is putting you through the ringer. The good thing about the human body is that it is designed to correct itself almost immediately after we alter it. So even now it's healing. And as it does you will begin to feel more human. It won't happen overnight but if you work with your surgical team and take care of yourself it will happen!

So take heart. It sucks. BELIEVE me I know! Everything made me sick in the first few months following surgery and I hated everything about not being able to eat my misery away. But it gets better. 

And if none of that helps there's this: I'm really happy you joined this board. Welcome!

_________________________________________________________________________________

Alright, I'm tired of eating the same old food. I need some spice in my life. I've been eating chili, lunch meat, cheese, and shrimp mainly. Eggs kept making me sick so I had to give up on that, but I'm just starving (as it seems) and sometimes I don't want to eat just because I'm so bored of the food. Anyone have any examples of awesome food they were able to get away with? I.E, homemade thin pizza, seasoned chicken, etc. I've checked out recommended websites, but I just don't seem to see anything that catches the eye I guess.**Answers:

It will depend a lot on what you are allowed to eat and how far out you are.

You mention thin pizza how about crustless pizza? get Italian sausage spread it thin like crust on a broiler pan so there is a pan under it for any grease to drop into and brown it til it's cooked add tomato sauce, cheese and any other fave toppings you are allowed to have then put it back in the oven until the cheese is melted and the edges are brown.. or look up a recipe for coliflor crust pizza.

I love a good seasoned chicken sometimes with low sugar or sugar free bbq sauce.

Meatloaf goes down real well for me I just use ground beef, eggs, whole wheat crackers (sparingly) and seasoning topped with low sugar ketchup and bake.

while I can't handle most pork products I can eat about 2 bones of ribs..yummy. And I cook bacon in the microwave between two papertowels til crispy and the papertowels soak up all the grease. I then break them into pieces and eat like chips.

my friend who had this surgery loves cottage cheese with cinnamin and splenda. (I don't like cottage cheese so can't speak from personal experience)

good luck! I too get in a rut when I'm too lazy to cook but boy when I cook does it taste good!

**********************

I eat a lot of steamed edamame, cottage cheese with a tsp of no sugar added preserves, Carb Master yogurt, pistachios, tender steak, shake n bake boneless pork chops, and protein ice cream from http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2008/08/protein-ice-cream.html

***********************

I've been where you're at, so I started checking out alot of high protein/low carb
& WLS cookbooks from the library. My latest is checking out Pinterest since I'm more of a visual person and I like to see the pictures before I try a something new. I don't want to go thru the hassle of making a new recipe if it wont visually appeal to me in the end. 
_________________________________________________________________________________

People Just Don't Understand

Only a select few people at my job know I plan to under go weightless surgery. Today I work I overheard two of my coworker Making fun of people who have procedure like this done; in general
not directed at me. It still however hurt. What they were saying was so mean and terrible. I could not beleive my ears. I dont understand How people can be so mean. I just need to walk away take a break.
This is my way of venting. Thanks for being here. November 27 is the First day of my new life.

**Answers:

Thanks, I only want a few people to know I am having the procedure specifically to avoid chitchat gossip that goes on in the office setting. My family and close friends are supportive whi h is the most important thing for me. This is clear example why I do not say anything to anyone about my decision.
**************************

I have just learned to let it roll of my back because I know I needed this surgery. I am 1 week out and everyone knew i was having this done, only a few ppl have said bad things that actually knew me, the other bad things came from ppl that didnt know me and what i have been though. Just pay no mind to these ppl most ppl who say bad things are either jealous they cant do it themselves and/or dont want you to be happy, you know mesiry loves company and the ones who are naturally skinny they just dont get it and when ppl dont understand something they automaticaly say bad things about it.

***************************

You could speak up and tell them you don't think it's nice to make fun of people or that making fun of people that need surgery (any type of surgery) is inapproriate.  I would do that, personally, whether I had WLS or not.  Making fun of people is just not OK.

***************************

Wonder what your HR department would have to say?

_________________________________________________________________________________

I cant eat any meat, not even tuna. After a couple of bites I get a sharp pain then vomit. I told the dietition at my dr's office & she said to just keep trying. Anyone else have this issue? Any advice would be great. Thanks!

**Answers:

I did not move to solid foods until I was 8 weeks out.  My thinking is that it is just too early.  Sometimes meat is too dry or the pieces are too large to be chewed well.  I would take a step back to soft foods then try again in a couple of weeks.
The first time I tried chicken I got the foamies and very sick.  I was not able to eat chicken until I was about  or 7 months out.  Just be patient.  What you are experiencing is not unusual.

*********************************************

I am 5 months out and cannot stand to eat meat.  What a twist, huh?  I did ok in the beginning with meat and what I mean by that I was able to eat tuna, chicken if I chewed it to death and I can do fish. The meat has to be moist.  You have to give it a little while.  Just make sure you can eat other forms of protein. I know this can be problematic but at eight weeks I would focus on fluids and protein of the soft kind, yogurt, beans, cheese.  But first and formost it doesn't matter what I post, what is important is to eat the plan your surgeon has you on.  He may not even have the items I listed as foods to consume.  I can sympathize.  Best of luck! 

**********************************************

So, I didn't know where else to go and I may call the doctor tomorrow.  But since I've lost 50lbs in the last 2 1/2 months, I think my skin is having a hard time keeping up.  My point being, the last two days I'm experiencing a rash right in the middle of my (sorry for the wording, fat roll on the bottom).  I am usually pretty good at showering and cleaning at least once a day.  I skipped my shower on Saturday and last night I noticed an odour. When I looked I about died.  So immediately I jumped in the shower and soaped and cleaned up the best I could.  Then I put on some talcum powder to help get it dry in there.  Of course my skin is irritated a bit and it burns a little bit.  I was fine until tonight, the same sensation and odour re-appeared.  So I soaked in a bubbly jet tub for like an hour.  Then I rinsed with the removable shower head really well with cooler water.  I added the talcum powder again.  It still burns.

So, is there anyway to get rid of this on my own, or do I have to get meds from the doctor?  I really prefer to clear things naturally, if possible.  I hate taking a pill for every little thing, if I don't have to.

Any advice or experiences would be great!  

Thank you!  

**Answers:

Your doctor can get you some medicated anti fungal powder. Also this sounds gross but it works and no one will know but you.

Take a clean sock, douse it in powder that has corn starch in it, Insert it into the folds of your skin so that the skin holds it in place, if you really have to use some medical tape to hold it in place.

The Sock and the cornstarch will wick away the moisture and your rash/fungus will be history.

********************************************

I'm certainly no doctor & there has been alot of good advice already.  However, I used to get severe rashes in the crease under my boobs (I know TMI) right after I had my 3rd daughter.  After not being able to deal with the uncomfortable burning anymore, I grabbed my daughters Creamy Desitin (diaper rash cream) & smeared some on the rash just before bedtime, then washed well in the morning.  It was a life savor & my body naturally healed it on its own with no issues or antifungal treatments.

Hope you find some relief!

*********************************************

Doctor's office says to use a stick of deoderant, it helps create a dry barrier and allows for the fungus not to be able to "feed" off the moisture.  This works really well, however, if you've scratched, it'll burn.

_________________________________________________________________________________

My 20th class reunion is on Saturday.  I was not a heavy teenager.  I did start to put on some weight my senior year, but nothing too major.  
I have kept in contact with a handful of people from my graduating class.  They have known me huge and now the new me.
I am so excited to be attending my reunion about 20lbs smaller than I was the day I graduated from high school.
I went to my 10 year and I remember fretting for months over finding an outfit.  I had just had a baby and felt so huge, even though I wasn't close to my highest weight.  NOW I can wear almost anything I want and I am having a hard time deciding because everything fits nice and I don't have to compromise my outfit for something that I have to wear just because it is my size.

_________________________________________________________________________________

I could post so many more, but you get the idea.  I haven't edited the spelling or content because I wanted to keep it real.  This is real people going through Weight Loss Surgery (W.L.S. is the acronym used frequently).    As I continue to write this blog, I have learned a great deal about this process over the past year.  It has been about a year now since I took the first step in working towards getting this surgery.  In December of 2011 I had my first doctor's appointment.  July 26th was my surgery date.  As of this morning I have fluctuated again, down 61lbs.  I suspect this latest "stall" is due to the fact that my last round of loss lasted three weeks and lost another 12lbs.  My body tends to stop for a week or so and then the weight loss will resume again.  I have gotten used to this.  I don't "cheat", I stick to the same plan.  I don't eat less to try to lose weight and I don't overdo exercise or any other means.  I am trying for a new "healthier" approach and doing anything else distorts the real weight loss.

I know this will be a long road, a lifetime.  But, in the end I will be better for it and live a longer life.  I did this for me, and that's all that matters.

Here are some wise words to end this segment:

"Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life." 

Herbert Otto

Until next time!!!!!!

Holding Steady at 62lbs, and that's ok!

I have been losing a tad too quickly in this last round (I believe about 12lbs in less than three weeks).  At this point, I need to stop and take a breath and absorb where I am at.  My clothes are still not able to keep up with me, and now I am really starting to notice the hair loss aspect of this journey.  They say from 3-6 months hair loss is normal.  At first my attitude was, "I could stand to lose a bit of hair anyway, so no biggie".  Well, going through it is another thing altogether!  I can't get over how much hair is coming out everyday.  Back in my hairdressing days I frequently preached that it was normal to lose 80-100 hairs per day.  But I know what I am losing now is far more than that!  I know my body is still trying to adjust with the whole 500 calories per day and all the movement I now do since I am not carrying around that extra 62lbs anymore.  I did buy some Nioxin hair products as suggested by a friend, but it doesn't seem to be slowing it down any.

I am trying not to be too vain, but my hair was always my "crowning glory" - no pun intended:)  I am blessed to have a full thick head of hair like my father and I would like to carry on that tradition.  Well, perhaps it won't be as bad as I think it will be and once my body starts to settle down again after the six months period, I'll be able to get some back.

This is a challenge, I know I've said it before but I'll say it again.  The last few days I haven't been taking all my vitamins and my liquids are not as plentiful.  I think I just get tired of constantly having to think about getting it all in.

This is going to be a short entry, but I felt it important to document that frustration with the hair loss.  I honestly thought I didn't have to worry about it.  But, hence, I am.

Also, for the record, it is October 31st - Halloween and I have not had ANY candy this year!  That in itself is a friggen miracle!  I do allow myself a sliver of a bday cake at work.  It was a poppyseed, maple nutty topping cake.  It was delightful, and I am glad that I was able to partake in the celebration, but in a very minor way.  You can't always say "No".

Here's my quote this week: 
"Insist on yourself.  Never imitate."  
        Ralph Waldo Emerson

59lbs and the rewards are plentiful already!

Today, I crossed my legs for the first time in years!  Yesterday, I cleaned the house and unloaded the dishwasher and continue to house clean for hours...prior to the surgery my back and knees wouldn't allow me to stand for more than a few minutes at a time.  Stairs, oh I used to hate stairs.  My husband would have to carry the laundry baskets up and down for me.  My balance and mobility to go up and down were greatly diminished as the weight went higher.  It was embarassing, it was humiliating, now my knees and my back don't ever hurt anymore.  I went shopping this past weekend, sat in a dressing room cheering at myself in the mirror as my size 26 body is now down to a size 20.  YAY ME!  I even did a spin class with one of my co-workers the other day and did not stop for more than a few seconds, twice.  Now of course I wasn't "spinning" as hard as they other people in the room, but I could do it!  A few months ago, there would have been no way that I could have done that class.  Celebrating all these milestones these past few weeks has been so motivating.  I am over the moon happy with my progress and know it's just the beginning!

That is why I am sharing my story as I go.  There will be some tough times, as I don't see the scale move, or that eating is no longer a comfort to me like it used to be.  Then, there will be some great times as this last week has been day after day!

I am four days away from my three months since surgery and I am down a total of 59lbs!  I had set a goal by the time I went home for Christmas - the first Christmas I've been home in over five years, that I would be down 70-75lbs by then.  It looks like I'm on track to be close to that, if not in par with that goal.  It's true, can I eat better? Can I exercise more?  Sure, but the fact that I've already made the changes that I have is already proof enough that I am on the right track.

One word of advice for those out there watching their loved ones go through this process.  Don't offer advice or you need to do this while we go through this process.  We know!  We are living it everyday.  We know you care and want the best for us, but remember we are humans that have endured a lot to get to this point.  We are literally taking baby steps to absorb what has happened to our bodies.  We cannot possibly eat like we used to anyway, so for now that is not going to be a problem.  Exercise, sure, but make it all about having fun to where it's not like exercise.  I shopped for four hours the other day, that was way more fun then walking on a treadmill or riding the stationary bike.  I get up all the time now.  I go for walks on my lunch break, I get up from my desk more frequently.  It's work in progress.  But I do move more than I did before.  I imagine as I get thinner I will be able to wear nicer work-out clothes where I'll start to feel more comfortable in a gym setting, I'm just not quite there yet.

We will get there, be patient.  We aren't doing anything wrong, we are doing what we are suppose to do.  The weight is coming off, lives are being changed.  Life is pretty overwhelming right now.  Don't add to it.  Words of encouragement and love are all that we need.  All the other stuff is what drove the scale up in the first place.  We need to feel good about us and where we are going.  So...focus on the positive now, not the negatives.  We are done with the negatives, that why we got the surgery in the first place.

And for those people out there who think we took the easy way out, go, do it and see if it is.  It's not!  It's hard, eating has changed forever for me.  I can't "enjoy" it like I used to.  It hurts sometimes to eat, sometimes I have to throw up.  Sometimes it feels like someone is punching me repeatedly in the chest when things don't quite agree.  Liquids, I'm lucky if I get down 40oz a day, that's a good day.  I can't eat/drink at the same time nor would I want to now because I'd get sick.  I spent a lot of money to get this done, I certainly don't want to waste that investment.

Overall, I thank god everyday for showing me the way to do this surgery.  I wished I had done it sooner!  Every morning is like Christmas when I wake up and decide what to wear that day.  Seeing my transformation in the mirror, hearing it from others who look back twice as they past me in the hallway.  That is why I do it.  I feel good again.  I feel like I should for a 39 year old woman.

Leaving you with this quote, another favorite of mine:

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. 
Eleanor Roosevelt 

11 wks - 55lbs! Broke that Plateau:)

Well, finally this week I broke that darn plateau.  It took me nearly three weeks to see that scale move back down again, talk about a tough battle of wits.  No matter what means one uses to lose weight, the journey itself remains the same.  It's funny because I'm lucky if I eat 500-600 calories/day but yet I lose weight at this point like before when on Weight Watchers.  But, the big difference is this is a good steady pace and I don't have the hunger or want to eat like I did before.

That is the biggest change I've noticed up to this point.  The fact that eating is no longer a fun thing to be enjoyed.  It's actually a pain to eat, because it doesn't always agree with you and you are struggling to keep up with the three meals a day, getting your liquids in and primarily ensuring you meet at least your 50grams/day in proteins.  It's exhausting to focus on these elements and you literally have to be thinking about it all day, even though you are not in the least hungry.

Yesterday, I had my first puking incident.  I have been queasy and nauseated all week, my boss pointed out that perhaps it was induced my stress - after that statement I realized he was right.  At any rate, it was the end of the week when I came home last night and decided to eat something before we went to the movie.  I had a stuffed chicken breast, in which I had eaten twice before with no incidents.  But like everything else this week, when I began to eat the chicken I could feel it wasn't going well.  I pushed on and eat nearly half of the chicken.  Big mistake, that horrible pressure built up in my new stomach area and I could feel the nausea again coming on.  I got myself to the bathroom just in time and sure enough every bit of that chicken came back up.  I knew better, garlic is definitely one of the culprits since I don't seem to do well with anything in garlic either.  Immediately after I couldn't stand that taste in my mouth so I grabbed a sugar-free orange popsicle and felt better right away.  I drank probably 3 1/2 - 16oz bottles that day, so for me that was very successful.  

Today, I feel so much better.  I good night's rest and feeling less stressed has made all the difference.  I was going to do a 5K today, but felt that my three work-out sessions this week were sufficient and that I would most definitely go to the gym tomorrow instead.

Walking, a whole other world to me now.  I had been part of a walking group on campus, where I work over the summer months and at my heaviest I was struggling to keep up with the group.  I would have to always turn back mid-way and start heading back because I wasn't fast enough to keep up with the faster walkers.  The other day a co-worker and myself did an entire walk that would have been done with my group, plus the walk back to our building in 45mins....I was talking the entire time and felt great!  The other walks were about 1hr. 10mins for me to complete so the difference to me is staggering, to say in the least.  55lbs. sure makes a difference and it has made the difference!  I feel so much better.  

For those still wondering if they should do this surgery - I'm telling you it is exactly what someone needs that has any issues with weight or food.  I know I am still in the beginning process and have a ways to go to show the final results, but I have NEVER lost 55lbs. before and lord knows I've been on enough diets in my lifetime where I could have had the opportunity to lose the weight.  I think the best I ever did was nearly 30lbs a couple of different occasions.  

2 weeks after surgery

So, again, for comparison purposes, I am going to post some pictures again so you can see the results thus far:

Before at my heaviest

8/27/12 - 4 weeks after surgery

10/11/12 - 11 weeks after surgery

I think the visual is always important.  It is nice to mention no more blood pressure meds, I've lost 6 inches off my waist, my shoe size has already dropped a half size.

Super excited and happy at where I am at for me.  Remember, this is only about yourself and no one else.  No one else can tell you what to do with your body, but when you are indeed ready to take on this challenge, just think of all other things you can achieve once this achievement has been succeeded?!

I'll leave you with one of my favorite poems, Author Unknown

YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK. 

If you think you are beaten you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't;
If you want to win but think you can't;
It's almost a cinch you won't.

If you think you'll lose you're lost;
For out of the world we find
Success begins with a fellow's will;
It's all in a state of mind. 

Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger and faster man,
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.